Matthew 18:21
Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
We are still pondering and exploring this one question from the Gospel of Matthew, and the conversation it records between Peter and our Lord. This continues to be our question, even though we are wandering around quite a bit.
Specifically, we have been talking about a subject often referred to as “church discipline.” We have convered the idea that the transgression of a brother are very much in fact, the business of the church; we have even talked about a situation where sin and error in a church were confronted and dealt with very wisely and Biblically. Now, we are going to talk about how we, as church member, might go about dealing with sin in our midst.
Matthew 18:15-18
Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.
If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. We have established that “against you” in this situation may or may not be against personally. In many ways, a sin of any sort is a sin against all of us. Some things seem to come to light here.
Tell him his fault between YOU and him. You who? Is this the preacher’s job? Is it the job of the Deacons or Elders? Clearly if something is done against us directly and personally, we should also deal with it directly and personally. What about other open, unrepented sins among us? Well, just allow me to say this; our preachers and leaders are not in place to be morality police in our congregations. Whose job is it to approach a sinning brother? I would say the person who observes the behavior. One writer said the following: “The person initiating discipline is any believer who is aware of another believer’s sin.”
Accountability partners are good here. I know exactly who is going to come tell me when I mess up, and he knows who is coming to see him when he does. Truly, if we love our friends, we will confront them when they step off the Godly path.
You and him alone. This is a big point. At this point, who really needs to know about what a brother is doing? Well, the offending person knows(maybe), you know, and any others who have personally observed know. At this point, who does NOT need to know? Anybody not on the previous list! I get that some legal issues might require telling others about something, but really, this should be a completely private matter.
When is the best time to approach a situation such as this? When it happens. Sins allowed to be fully developed and become habitual are much harder to eradicate from our lives than those we face honestly earlier. In fact, it is entirely possible that our brother has absolutely no clue there is a problem.
Attitude counts. The truth is that none of us want to be told we are doing wrong. At least I don’t, and I assume that is true for readers as well. We have to confront the sins of our brother openly and honestly, yet without condemnation. Telling someone what they are doing is not the same as condemnation. Our goal here is not just to inform them they are wrong, or to establish our own perfectness in the eyes of another. Our goal is to teach what is right, and bring a person back into fellowship. Any conversation with our brother such as this has to be done in meekness and humility, with an obvious air of reconciliation on our part.
To sum up. The truth is that discipline and restoration is not easy; it is a difficult subject. It can be an uncomfortable and difficult task. It is, however, a necessary one. God is love, and we should be the earthly expression of that love as well. Sin is destructive to the sinner, it is destructive to others, and it is destructive to the work of God and our churches. We do not love anyone by simply turning our heads and ignoring it. Even worse would be to ignore our brother’s faults with an air of smug indifference our self righteous contempt; what would be sin on our own part.
If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. Done properly, in love, and with meekness and humility this entire process can end right there. After all, isn’t that the goal? If our brother acknowledges his issue, honestly repents and commits to staying on the path then nothing further need happen.
It doesn’t always work that way, though, does it? If our brother refuses to listen and repent, what then?
January 21, 2016 at 07:57
I have enjoyed reading these but this one hit me the most personally.
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January 21, 2016 at 08:50
I hope whatever happened has been resolved. There situations can be hard both for the person doing the wrong and the person faced with helping them
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January 21, 2016 at 08:55
Yes, resolved a few years ago but still comes to mind when read or hear certain things. Thanks.
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January 21, 2016 at 09:47
Welcome!
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January 21, 2016 at 10:39
Reblogged this on Talmidimblogging.
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January 21, 2016 at 10:56
Thank you Brother Vincent. How is the weather in Jersey
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January 21, 2016 at 21:57
You’re very welcome Brother Wally! Winter is finally showing up. In the Northern section of New Jersey we are expecting close to 10 inches of snow on Saturday…
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January 22, 2016 at 06:05
Showed up here too. Was supposed to snow last night about 4 inches. Just looked outside and hardly any.
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January 22, 2016 at 11:56
Thank God for for small miracles 🙂
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January 22, 2016 at 12:00
Shhhhhh. You will get me in trouble. My wife desperately wants snow, and I hate it. Makes a difference when you have to be out in it all day huh?
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January 22, 2016 at 12:04
LoL…I’m a little bit of a weirdo, love the snow, even shoveling snow…pray for me Brother ;D
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January 22, 2016 at 12:13
I will pray for you! I spent seven long, bitter winters in Wyoming. I have frankly seen all the snow I need to see.
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January 22, 2016 at 14:29
Thanks Brother Wally! Seven long Wyoming winters, can’t say that I blame yah!
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January 21, 2016 at 11:10
It is never easy to confront anyone, especially in our culture of anti-criticism. You handled this subject well. I assume the “what then” question will be answered in the next subject; Jesus answers this question too, but we may not like the answer!
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January 21, 2016 at 11:18
You are so correct that in these days only validating all behavior is accepted. And yes the what next is coming soon. I suspect it won’t be my most popular post but as you pointed out Jesus answered it first. Thanks friend for coming by
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January 21, 2016 at 14:27
No, it probably won’t be popular, but as a wise man said, “what is popular is not always right, and what is right is not always popular.”
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January 21, 2016 at 14:28
Eh is ok. I’m a big boy lol 🙂
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January 23, 2016 at 09:40
I’m smiling… laughing really 🙂 because reading through, I just had one question in mind: How do you forgive someone who is unrepentant? only to come to the end and see you end with same question.
No spoilers from here… thanks for a thoughtful and teachable post. These are crucial life lessons.
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January 23, 2016 at 09:51
“How do you forgive someone who is unrepentant”
Boy, that’s a good question isn’t it my friend? Do you have unrepentant people in your life? I do. One in particular very close to me. Did some things early in life that shaped me forever and to this day not even an admission that they might have erred. Yet, I had to forgive so that I could get on with my own life.
But, what about those who didn’t necessarily offend us personally? When they don’t repent? Then it get’s difficult doesn’t it? That is where we are heading in this study. Problem is, I still don’t know the answer LOL!
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January 23, 2016 at 10:49
I also have unrepentant person in my life.
I believe you can forgive someone [you don’t have to] who is unrepentant, though I don’t know what’s accomplished by it, other than you’ve extended something for them to take at their choosing.
A person must be change their mind/repent/consent to be forgiven about a particular thing in order for them to receive the forgiveness being offered.
Those who don’t really know what they’re doing and are unrepentant, we do like Jesus – Father forgive them “because they do not know what they are doing.”
To the person who knows what they are doing, does it, and is totally unrepentant,
1. forgive because you want to.
2. forgive knowing that it’s not received.
3. let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican [ you keep repeating the process… they need to change their minds about what they have done in order to receive repentance…. this is what we’ve been doing with unbelievers day in day out… change your mind about God, receive the forgiveness He has given to you]
but as you know… some will continue to the end of their lives without changing their minds and seeing their need for forgiveness.
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January 23, 2016 at 10:55
I think in my case, forgiving was just needed for my own peace. As long as I held on to the hurt, I could not get on with my own life. I held this one for almost 45 years, and still grab hold of it now and then.
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January 23, 2016 at 11:04
Oh, I agree with what you did. If forgiveness is not offered, it cannot be received.
[clarification: one shouldn’t be forced to forgive an unrepentant person… do it because we want to and are ready to].
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January 25, 2016 at 06:42
Thanks for sharing Bruce!
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