This is my Father’s Day post from last year. Nothing to add to it, so here it is again. So many today either didn’t have a father, or had a dysfunctional one. Just remember, we can all have the best father, our Heavenly Father.
I’d love to post a nice, happy Father’s Day Post, but I fear this won’t be it. But here it is in all its sadness. But, there is a wonderful positive here also that I hope you all will see, and a lesson to father’s everywhere.
My father had more positive qualities than could be possibly listed, in many ways. First of all, he was quite handsome, in a very classic way. He was truly the epitome of tall, dark and handsome. He was about 6’2″, olive skinned, slender, and very well built. He apparently was one quarter Native American coming from his mother’s side of things. Rumor was his mother was half Cherokee or Reelfoot. Nobody really knows, as his side of the family was rather shrouded in mystery and rumor. Lot’s of talk various and sundry crimes on the Fry side of the family.
He was quite charming and engaging as well, and could sell the proverbial snow cone to the proverbial Eskimo. In fact, sales was what my father did for his entire life, and was very successful at it.
My father was extremely gentle and kind. I am not sure I never heard him express anger at a person in my life(other than my mother), and made quite a big deal about always being nice to other people. He was a real “golden rule” kind of guy. He had been a Marine right after WWII but was very anti war. In fact, the only conflict we ever had was when I decided to join the Army. He really thought I had become some kind of jack booted Nazi. I remember still the one and only time my father ever spanked me, he cried the whole time.
My father was literally the smartest man I ever knew. He had no degrees or formal education outside of school, but was the smartest and most well read man I ever met. Read all the classic philosophers during his lifetime. He was also quite a gifted writer as I discovered after he died. The man was a literary giant in the making to tell the truth. Found out he fancied himself a real Earnest Hemingway type of person. My father was simply put, a genius.
Now, the dark side of my father.
My Father was a cheating, unfaithful womanizer. That handsomeness and charm, combined with his profession as a traveling salesman produced very bad results. He didn’t, however, have to travel to philander, he was perfectly capable of that locally.
My father went broke. He sold and serviced dry cleaning machinery. The rise of polyester literally ruined my life. In a matter of what seemed like months we went from great success to utter lack.
My father was an alcoholic. Apparently he had been for years, but the financial ruin brought it to the forefront in bad ways. In the midst of great financial setback my father chose to abandon us instead of staying. Things worked out okay for him for a while but for me and my mother the result was years of poverty and struggling. He never recovered from that addiction, and it ultimately took his life. We reconnected while I was in college, but that was only because everybody else had given up on him. The most vivid memories of our reconnection were mostly me driving somewhere where he had failed to pay rent and was drunk in a bed, picking him up, and dropping him off at the VA Hospital for another stint in recovery. We did, however, during that time come to know each other better than we ever had. That all finally ended with a deadly, perhaps intentional, combination of pills and booze, and he was gone at the age of 54.
Most importantly, my father was lost, He did not know The Lord, nor did he wish to. He was simply too smart, too independent, and too in love with his decadent lifestyle to ever surrender his life to Jesus. I really don’t even know if anyone ever told him to be honest. He certainly never mentioned God around me.
I miss him horribly, even to this day. He never did a thing for me, but one’s father is always their father. If only he had stayed around to see my conversion, perhaps things would be different for him now. Sadly, I won’t ever see him again.
As normal, there is a Bible lesson buried in this post; I usually have one. This is my father’s day gift to all the father’s out there, and it is this one simple statement from what I believe to be one of the greatest fathers who ever lived other than God our father. That man is Joshua. Every inch a man’s man, a great warrior, and a leader of men beyond compare. He had the following to say:
June 18, 2017 at 09:04
Good take away…vw
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June 18, 2017 at 09:34
Thanks much
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June 18, 2017 at 09:09
Happy father’s day, Wally.
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June 18, 2017 at 09:33
Thanks IB
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June 18, 2017 at 10:34
Wally, this a wonderful post, true and loving. Yes, the Lord is our Father, the Best! A Father to the fatherless, we know.
Happy Father’s Day! May your prayers be answered!
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June 18, 2017 at 12:39
Thank you Maria. He is indeed a Father for the Fatherless
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June 18, 2017 at 16:31
I think he’d be very proud of the man you have become and probably wished he could have been more like you!!!
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June 18, 2017 at 16:32
Thanks Julie. Would have been cool to have him around, despite himself. He was the age I am now when he checked out for good.
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June 18, 2017 at 16:41
I’ve already beat mother in age before she too “checked out” — it is an odd thought now being where they would be
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June 18, 2017 at 16:46
It is odd, isn’t it. At the time he seemed old, now not so much, since I technically have passed him up as well.
And I didn’t mean “checked out.” in a flip way. But basically, he did check out. I would not have applied that to your Mom from what I understand. Mine spend his whole life checking out, until he finally couldn’t take it back, as it was permanent.
Sometimes this makes me angry; can you tell?
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June 18, 2017 at 16:48
No, checked out is appropriate as she actually took it as her great escape — so I totally get it 🙃
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June 18, 2017 at 16:53
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh..yeah. Some things just fit don’t they Julie?
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June 18, 2017 at 16:56
🙃indeed they do and it has taken me the wisdom of time to fully understand
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June 19, 2017 at 08:48
My father had a problem with alcohol. Lost his father when he was six. Joined the military when he was 17 and fought in WW II, starting in N. Africa. Trying to get him to talk about the war was impossible. Just know he fought in Italy too. After the war, he joined Air Force and eventually retired. So he made a career of the military, but he had no interest in discussing combat. He was proud of the fact his sons all joined the military, but he would not discuss the war. I think it gave him nightmares. He wrote poems about war. There are some old letters, but what he experienced I don’t know.
My father was a Catholic. So he knew Christ, but he struggled. Never ran off. Managed to hold a job and pay the bills. Can’t imagine what he would have been like if he had not known Christ. If he had been able to control his drinking…., but he didn’t.
Our bodies are broken things. Our brains don’t work as they should, and some suffer from mental illness more than others. Some drink to escape the torture of their malfunctioning brains. What tortured my father? I don’t know. I just know I sometimes seek escape. After watching my father, I never dared to fool with drugs or alcohol.
I could see my father hated to get drunk. He did it anyway. When I was a boy, he managed to stop drinking. When I got older, he resumed. He eventually would come home drunk go to his room sleep it off, and go to work the next day. In retrospect, I am amazed at the discipline that required. Some how he managed to drive home year after year without getting too drunk. He was drunk, just not too drunk to control his car.
And the hangover? God only knows. Because of the drinking he could not stop smoking. That eventually damaged his lungs. Every morning he would cough up his lungs. He died of heart failure.
When I consider such people, I am reminded of the widow Jesus observed who contributed two mites to the Temple treasury. From our perspective, it was not much, but Jesus saw it was all she could give. Perhaps that is also true of our fathers.
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June 22, 2017 at 09:00
Hey Tom. I missed this comment somehow, I am sorry. Thank you for sharing that about your dad. That seems common…men who are rather amazing, yet afflicted by such a terrible thing, the booze. Your words were very encouraging to me.
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June 22, 2017 at 09:09
No problem. Just glad you found it encouraging.
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June 22, 2017 at 09:10
I did! Although somewhat disturbing that every where I turn, I see stories of men consumed by alcohol.
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June 22, 2017 at 15:50
I expect it has something to do with the breakdown of the family/clan/church/community structure in Western societies. We all need role models and to be held accountable. Even the military does not do that well.
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June 22, 2017 at 16:42
Well, I expect you have nailed that pretty well, Tom. Absolutely the military does not do that well. I can attest to a real work hard, play hard mentality in the military. Sadly, the play hard more often than not involved excessive alcohol. “Live today, for tomorrow we die.” When that is an actual possibility, it tends to alter one’s mindset somewhat. I remember my years on active duty well, and we did EVERYTHING with great intensity.
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June 22, 2017 at 16:46
Yeah! I spent quite a few years in the military. I am proud to have done so, but the quality of our soldiers depends upon the quality of our society, not the military.
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June 22, 2017 at 16:54
I would also agree with that, Tom.
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June 20, 2017 at 01:03
Late but happy Father’s Day Wally
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June 20, 2017 at 04:26
Thanks, and back at you!
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June 20, 2017 at 10:49
=)
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June 22, 2017 at 07:48
Well written. I can relate to some of this as my dad was also and alcoholic. He had demons but praise God he also had accepted Jesus at the age of 12. Had a great military career, bombardier in WWII – where his pilot was also a Christian and acknowledged only God’s grace spared them as they were hit many times.
I loved Wally’s contribution….my mom was my dad’s defender saying he was doing the best he could. His dad abandoned him and his baby brother when dad was only 2. His mom did the best she could by opening a beer garden where dad learned to love booze and cards….
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June 22, 2017 at 08:56
Thanks Debbie. It’s sad that the affliction of alcohol affects so many huh?
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June 26, 2017 at 11:15
I couldnt like it coz I felt it more than just liking…
Happy father’s day
And yes rightly said; fathers are fathers…
Stay blessed
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June 26, 2017 at 11:27
Yes they are. Thanks and stay blessed yourself
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July 26, 2017 at 13:42
My father was pretty similar to yours. He didn’t provide, really liked to drink, was physically and verbally abusive, he’s not a spiritual man and doesn’t care about anyone but himself. But he’s still my father. It’s taken me a while to heal from his abuse. The thing that has helped me the most was cultivating a deeply personal relationship with Jehovah God our Heavenly Father. It’s helpful to meditate on His loving kindness and how He’s always there for us (Isaiah 41:10).
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July 27, 2017 at 20:22
Hi Heatherjo
Sorry, this was buried in my spam for some reason, I am sorry. What you said about God our heavenly Father is so true. No matter the lacking of our human Father, God our Father is perfect in every way. Thanks for the visit, and again sorry you got stuck in my spam for a day!
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May 23, 2018 at 23:19
Thanks Wally!
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May 23, 2018 at 23:49
Thank you Amy for reading
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May 24, 2018 at 09:42
Can I repost this soon? I’d like to write on the differences in addicts who stay and who choose to go like your father did and how that can be a good thing on the family.
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May 24, 2018 at 12:52
I would be honored. Perhaps it will help someone. Thanks Amy
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May 24, 2018 at 15:12
One more thing Wally, did you grow up in the 50’s to early 60’s era?
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May 24, 2018 at 15:14
I was born in 62 so late 60s early 70s more
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